This is Me

Week 1: -6.5 pounds
Total: +14.1 pounds

Well, I don't really know how to start this. My intention is for no one to find this blog. This is going to be my journal for this journey. I want so much for this to be last time I try to lose weight. I want so much for this to be the time I make it to my goal weight.

I guess I should start from the beginning. I have been fat for pretty much my entire life. Excluding sophomore year of high school when I restricted all of my eating habits for the entire year and lost sixty pounds, I have never been a healthy weight. I have tried probably every safe diet trend on the planet. Two years ago when I started college, I decided that I didn't want to gain the infamous Freshman Fifteen. So, I started Weight Watchers....for the third time. It worked. I lost twenty-five pounds, and while I wanted to lose fifty, I was really proud of where I was. Then life happened. I discovered I hated my major, and I was struggling to figure out where I wanted my life to go.

Week Two: -1.5 pounds
Total: +12.6 pounds

If you know me, you'll know I like to have a plan. I'm not as bad as some members of my family, but I strive on knowing when and where I have to be at all times. So, abandoning my plan threw me into a terrible place. Depression and anxiety sucks...big time. I struggled quietly for most of 2016 until about October when I called my crying and saying that I need therapy. I'm still not proud of where I was and how I treated myself during that time, but my crutch was food. When I wouldn't leave my room for days on end, I wouldn't eat anything. Then, as humans do, I would come out of that funk to discover I was extremely hungry. I would then eat and eat and eat. None of this was helped by the fact that I was making myself so anxious that I would vomit most mornings before going to class. I gained weight. I gained a lot of weight and fast.

Week 3: -4.2 pounds
Total: +8.4
*excuse my workout clothes...
ya girl has to go to jazzcercise*

Fast forward to the end of 2017. I've been in biweekly therapy for a year. I'm in a better place and feeling closer to normal me that I have known before the world collapsed. I was also twenty pounds heavier than I was freshman year when I started weight watchers. I was a 210 pounds at the end of December. That's a number I never want to ever see again on the scale. It was horrifying.

So, I'm back in Weight Watchers....for the fourth time, but who's counting. I went to my first meeting today, and I may write about that some other time. I'm only 8.4 over my "official" starting weight. Last time I took weekly pictures, and I started doing that again. So, here are my last three weeks of Weight Watchers pictures.


DFTBA and keep moving forward.
<3 Allie